That Empty Feeling
by Carnival-Flux
Summary: Emma has been living in NYC for a while now, but her dreams of a brown-eyed brunette leave her waking moments filled with emptiness.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT.

Emma couldn't explain the empty hollow feeling that had taken up residence in her heart. It followed her wherever she went and nothing she did seemed to shake the feeling. She did, however, recognize that doing some things or seeing some things seemed to make it worse.

Like eating a slice of apple pie at the local diner, wearing her favorite black turtleneck sweater, or when she saw a short haired brunette enter her field of vision. The latter of the three problems seemed to go away upon seeing those woman's faces. Emma wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing.

The blonde woman dreamed of brown eyes and subtle smiles. The eyes would warm her to the very core while the smiles made her feel like she could slay dragons or save…someone or someones. She wasn't exactly sure, she knew that those smiles were rare and that she'd fight to keep them on their owner's face. She vowed that she would give up anything and everything to make _her _happy.

But those vows and promised were forgotten when she left the world of slumber and was thrust back into life with her son. Her very reason for existing. She had fought tooth and nail to carve out a good life for her little prince. Remembering the first time she called him that always brought a smile to her face and managed to fill some of the hole in her heart. But it was like a trying fill a barrel covered in holes with water, it would simply empty out again and leave her as empty as ever.

It was kind of funny how easily she recalled the memories of their life together but could barely remember the past few years. She couldn't remember why she had moved them from Boston to New York. It seems like she just did. Even weirder was the family trip that she had made them take to Maine. Nothing was in Maine…but she had taken the two on some sort of bonding trip to the middle of nowhere. She hated these fuzzy memories, they made the wanting in her heart worse. That hollow, empty feeling. So she tried not to let her mind wallow too much in these wanderings as she'd get swallowed up and drown in them forever.

She tried ignoring the emptiness by spending more time with Henry. She tried to do a weekly movie night where the two would make dinner together and then watch some movies (or tv shows) until it was time for the boy's bedtime. When it first started, it had worked. The two marathoned all of the kid's favorite superhero movies. Emma especially liked introducing Henry to Mythbusters and other sciencey type shows that brought out the curious kid in both of them. But never any Disney princess films.

Watching those just made the emptiness worse for some reason. She could barely handle Mulan, something just nagged her about the powerful warrior falling for Shang. Emma was certain that Mulan loved someone else but she couldn't put her finger on why. Henry had no problems watching it, however. Beauty and the Beast brought on an even worse feeling of wrongness to her heart. And when the two tried to watch Snow White, Emma practically ran out of the room sobbing for reasons she couldn't explain. It made her feel so empty. Henry felt the same way, surprisingly, so they promised each other not to watch those films for quite a while, if ever again. Thankfully, Disney had other films that the two found themselves bonding over that lacked the fairytale background.

She still had to be wary of the ones based on literary works. Alice in Wonderland had brought about a tightening in her chest, like someone was squeezing her heart, when the Queen of Hearts had been introduced. She swore, however, to never show any form of Peter Pan's story ever again. The Disney version and even the Robin Williams version had left the two with nightmares and sent Henry running to her arms for several nights in a row after. Thankfully, there was still a wide array of entertainment that the two could choose from that left her not feeling empty and cold.

And then the strange man showed up and kissed her. She had no idea who he was, but when his lips met hers…it felt odd and familiar. But still wrong. Theirs were lips that were not meant to meet, that much she was sure. And then something happened that broke her heart.

It had been a few days after the strange man had showed up outside her door. Henry asked if they could skip their movie bonding night. This in itself had been enough to hurt her feelings but then he told her the reason. He had told her that he felt empty inside. That he seemed sad. He was worried that he was depressed, having looked up the symptoms on the internet. Her son was hurting and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She had changed every diaper, soothed every fever, and endured every tantrum. She was his mother. Yet she could do nothing to stop the emptiness that ate at both of them.

That night, she let him do his own thing. He went to his room and drew pictures. Pictures of him and Emma but there were other stick figures there. When questioned, he simply answered that he didn't know what to draw for the other characters. She sat on their couch with a mug of hot chocolate, with cinnamon, and silently cried when he had gone to bed. The dreams of warm, brown eyes and subtle smiles could not come soon enough. 

**Author's Note: I just wanted to apologize to everyone who follows/followed my story The Infinite Black. I lost my muse mad-hardcore and then life happened (I had to move out on my own and go to four year school). Right now I'm on Christmas break and am working on the next chapters of The Infinite Black. It's slow, but it's going. I had to essentially scrap an entire chapter and then split the first into two and try to figure out how the plot will fit into the first season of OUAT while still being its own entity. So it IS coming, but it is slow. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT.**

**Author's note: So I am taking a ton of liberty with this one since I don't know what will happen come March so forgive the canon-breaking atrocities that my ficlet shall inflict upon the fandom. Also, this has become a tad more than a two-parter. I know there will definitely be a third chapter and possibly a fourth. Also just wanted to thank everyone who faved, followed, and reviewed! I really appreciate it! Please continue doing so as it makes me happy! :D**

Emma actually decided to trust the creepy pirate. It took him a few weeks and in that time he apparently had switched from his whole "I'll kiss the memories back into your head" to "Oh, I have proof of magic right here, by the way". He had proven that magic existed. He proved that he was from a different realm. And he proved that she had a family. When Henry heard, he was ecstatic. He told her that that would definitely fill the emptiness in his heart.

They took a road trip back to _that_ place. According to the magical experts, who Emma still couldn't believe were **actual **fairies, it would be the place where magic was weakest. Apparently an entire town had existed there at some point. A town where she had been the sheriff. A town she had no memory of. And there was a well where they could more easily pass into the other realm with. Apparently it needed to be this well and not just any body of water.

She insisted on bringing two separate tents. One for her and Henry and one for Hook, he insisted that she call him Killian but she didn't believe that was a good idea. It was hard enough being around him while he looked at her like a dejected puppy. If it got worse, she'd have to draw a line. He was only interested in her, not Henry. The two were a package deal. She would never be with someone who couldn't take that.

When they arrived at the location that had been Storybrooke, they stopped for the night. And that night, the blonde's dreams have become more real than reality itself. She found herself able to remember the woman's face when she woke up. No name. Just beautifully warm eyes and a genuine, if not slightly sad, smile. Whatever she had told the brunette had made her happy…and it felt like the first bit of happiness she'd had in a long time. Emma wasn't sure how she had this feeling…but she just did. When she awoke, she didn't feel like it was just a dream. What she experienced…it had to be a memory. It was too real. Hook _had_ told her that she had lost all her memories, which meant that she probably used to know this woman. Which meant that this woman was real. And Emma had known her…just as she had known Emma.

This lead to Emma obsessing over this woman's identity. Hook refused to tell her anything else as he "didn't want to overwhelm her at the moment", which she could see his reasoning of since she did just find out she had parents and she had a pretty major freak-out where she might have punched Hook in the face. She felt that they were probably close. At least that's how it seemed. The blonde couldn't tell what was actual memory and just a dream, because according to Hook, she had never tamed a unicorn and rode through town (she didn't mention that dream-her had done it to impress the mysterious woman).

The trio trekked through the woods of Storybrooke to find some sort of magical well, or at least hoped that it was still there. She kept her mind on the mysterious woman and what she meant to her. They had been hiking for a bit when Henry asked if they could stop for a lunch break as the sun was currently shining down from its highest point in the sky. Hook offered to give the two their space as they rested, Emma silently thanked the heavens that he was getting the message or at least taking a less aggressive approach. As mother and son sat together on a large tree stump, munching on a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Henry brought up something that once again surprised the blonde.

"I've been dreaming of this woman," he started, "she has brown hair and brown eyes. She's really pretty, too. I don't know much about her…but when we got here, I dreamed about her even more clearly. And, Ma….I think she is my mom too."

Emma could feel her heart stop. What did Henry mean when he said that this woman was his mom as well? Could it be? Did they have more than friendship between them? Were they in some sort of relationship? It made sense, in her mind. It explained why she felt a wave of warmth whenever she thought about the woman. It explained why she wanted to protect the few smiles that the woman gave her. It made perfect sense.

The three finished their break and were off once more on "Operation Tiger shark" as Henry had taken to calling it. It took them a few more hours of hiking, but they managed to find the well in the middle of the forest. Hook regaled them with some story about how the fairies had entrusted him with this important task and he was happy he was able to proof his worth and whatnot. Emma let him have his moment before asking what they were supposed to do next. He simply held up three bottles. One filled with a strange blue smoke, one filled with what looked like water, and the other filled with what looked like ash.

"The blue one, according to the fairies, will cause the water of the well to transform into whatever is dropped into it next. We then drop water from a rather famous lake into it. This transforms the well water into the water of that lake. Then we drop the ash and a portal opens up. We jump into the portal, end up in the Enchanted forest thanks to this compass, and make our way to rescuing your parents." Hook drawled on.

"If it was so easy, why didn't you do this in the first place to get Henry and I back?" Emma growled, annoyed that they had come this far for something so simple.

"Because, Swan, it wasn't that simple. Your family wanted to get to you back but had no way of getting over here. A…a major sacrifice was made to return me to this land. The vial of ash I have is all that is left of your wardrobe. And…it took many lives to reach it." Emma didn't know what he meant by "sacrifice"…but it sent chills up her spine. She only hoped that the mysterious woman was okay. She signaled for Hook to begin dropping the vials into the well and he did.

Vial of smoke, then water, and then ash were dropped into the well and a large roaring sound was heard coming from it. The three climbed up to the edge, held hands, and took the leap of faith. As the roaring water whooshing towards them and a myriad of colors began to swim in front of her vision, a name came rushing to the forefront of her mind.

"Regina".


	3. Chapter 3

Hook told them that they were to wait in what looked like a miscellaneous storage/tea room of their ally's castle. It had apparently once belonged to Rumplestiltskin but was now used as a base for "the resistance" against the Wicked Witch of the West. Upon hearing that this was who their enemy was, Emma resistance the urge to curl up in the fetal position and try to forget everything that Hook had told her. Her life was getting more ridiculous every day.

"Emma!" Came dual, feminine cries from the doorway. Emma turned and saw two women quickly walking towards her. One looked like a story-book princess, though with the way things were going she probably was, and the other was a warrior woman in her armor. The princess embraced her while the warrior clapped her on the shoulder. Her look of confusion probably cued them in as she half-heartedly greeted them.

"Oh, right. Belle did tell us that your memories were gone." The princess explained to both the warrior and Emma.

"I am Aurora and this is Mulan!" She introduced both of them. Emma could feel her head reeling as two very famous Disney princesses introduced themselves to her. She also noted how Mulan placed her arm protectively around Aurora and suddenly that "weird" feeling she had while watching Mulan's movie made sudden sense, much to her chagrin.

"So…I'm guessing you two know me?" She asked, breaking the semi-awkward silence that has come over the trio.

"Yes, Aurora and I helped you and your mother to return back to your realm."

Henry came running in at that moment, a woman wearing a long red cloak trailing behind him. Emma had to take a breath to calm herself as the woman placed an arm around her son, she was still not sure she was totally comfortable with a werewolf acting as Henry's babysitter.

"Mom! Ruby is the coolest! She showed me how to track a deer and Granny promised to teach me how to shoot a crossbow while you were gone!" He all but shouted, wrapping his arms around his mother. Emma gave the kid a half-hearted smile.

"Don't worry, Emma. I used to watch Henry all the time and Granny would never actually let him shoot with the crossbow, his m-...Regina would kill us."

Emma's head snapped up as her mysterious woman's name finally came up. Not once had anyone mentioned her name and Emma didn't feel that asking about her would be the most prudent decision, especially since apparently her parents and their kingdom, and the kingdoms of their allies, were all in grave peril because of the Wicked Witch of the West. Very few castles and kingdoms were safe, but this was the safest one since the Dark One's wards still protected the castle. It was apparently due to the spells being blood magic and Rumplestiltskin had living relatives in the castle or that was the simplest answer she could get out of Hook before he slunk away.

Emma was now waiting for him and whomever else was supposed to be on their small escort squad. The plan was to take Emma to the castle of one of their allies and use magic, because apparently she had that, and stuff and Emma stopped listening because it all got too complicated. What the plan boiled down to was get her to that other castle, relearn magic, and then defeat the Wicked Witch. And all this was why Henry was being babysat by Ruby and Granny. She wasn't stupid or reckless enough to bring her son on a covert mission that could, and probably would, end up with someone's life being lost. Emma liked to believe she was responsible and taking Henry would be irresponsible.

"Hook, that is a terrible idea and you know it!" A voice shouted as two figures entered the room. Emma turned to see Hook and who had introduced herself as Tinker Bell, although she apparently preferred to be called Tink. Emma narrowed her eyes as she noticed the fairy's gaze flitting in her direction. They were talking about her, she could tell. Hook's reaction was to let out a half-hearted laugh, as if to say "it's out of my hand".

"Love, I know it's a terrible idea but we need all the help we can get. And wasn't it you who gave him the idea in the first place?" Tink glared at the pirate before shaking her head and throwing Emma a sympathetic look, though she knew not why the fairy would do so.

"What the hell is going on?" Emma growled. Both fairy and pirate shared a look before Tink looked over at Ruby.

"Ruby, would you please take Henry elsewhere. We have to tell Emma something important." The werewolf nodded and shepherded the boy out of the room. Mulan and Aurora also took this as a cue to leave as well.

Once the trio was alone, Tink let out an exasperated sigh and Hook took a long swig out of his flask which Tink then stole and then did the same. She offered the rum to the blonde.

"No thanks. I don't do rum." Fairy and pirate shared a look that seemed confused, amongst other things, before guiding Emma to one of the chairs around the long dining table.

"You're going to want to sit for this, Swan." Hook stated before taking a seat himself. Tink chose to remain standing, leaning against the pirate's chair. Emma waited for the two to start while they silently argued over who should tell the news. Apparently Hook lost or decided to just come out with it because he let out a deep sigh before finally beginning.

"I take it that your memories still include a man named Neal." Emma remained silent but the look of surprise on her face was all the answer he needed.

"I will spare you the long story, but he is Rumplestiltskin's son. Ergo, he is from the Enchanted Forest. I knew him as Baelfire. And he is here in this castle." This time, Emma was stunned speechless. She struggled to find something to say but Tink chimed in,

"His blood is what is keeping the wards up. Now that Henry is here, Neal is able to leave without the wards dropping. This means that he can travel with your escort and bring some of the wards with you."

"Hold on. You're telling me that my ex has been here this entire time and not once did you think to tell me?! Is this because you're jealous of him or something, Hook?!" Emma shouted, preparing to jump out of her chair and strangle the pirate.

"Sadly, Swan, I wish that is what it was." At this admission, Emma stood up, towering above Hook with fist raised, ready to punch the man at any moment.

"Something bad happened." Tink stated, her lips drawn into a thin line. Emma turned to look at the fairy who was now looking out one of the windows. She then turned to look at Hook who was busy scratching a small doodle into the wooden table. Both were obviously keeping the truth from her. Emma calmed herself and sat back down in the chair, waiting for one of the duo to speak up and explain what Tink meant.

"Love, you know what happened better than I do. You, sadly, should be the one to inform Swan of what befell Baelfire." At this, Tink nodded before circling around the table to take the seat directly in front of Emma.

"As Hook told you, I'm sure, there are very few ways to travel between worlds. Beans and flying ships are generally the preferred method, however, we lacked basically any method except the one you used to get back here. That was originally going to be the way we would have used to go to your realm, but we lacked a way to return you to this one. We searched and searched and searched until...we found the answer." Tink paused and took a deep breath to steady her wavering voice before finally continuing.

"We found an...alternative method. We could use the ash and water in your realm to return you to us...but to send someone to there...would require great sacrifice."

"Is he still alive?" Emma asked, suddenly numb. She might not have had feelings for the bastard who had left her, but she still cared for him in a way.

"Of course. The wards would not have remained up in the first place. We would have surely been crushed at the first sign that they were down." Tink explained. Emma took a deep breath and began wishing that she had a nice mug of hot chocolate and cinnamon to help settle her nerves.

"If he didn't die then what was the major sacrifice?" Emma asked as an uncomfortable silence had fallen upon the trio.

"Love." Hook simply replied, inspecting his hook's point. Emma's head snapped over towards the pirate, confusion evident on her face.

"We found an ancient spell from an even more ancient kingdom. Translated, the spell was simply a "Wolf Gate". With several hard-to-find ingredients and with the moon being at a certain angle in the sky and other magical nonsense, we summoned a giant door with a wolf headed guardian who asked for a great sacrifice. We all fought over what would work and many of the things we offered it would not suffice. Until Neal stepped up and made his offer. He knew that True Love was the greatest magic of all and he did love you. So he offered the creature his love and it willingly took it. It took all his love. Some of the former Storybrooke inhabitants even call him "robotic", whatever that means. You two were getting along and having a good 'ol time when the curse broke and erased your memories and sent us here." He finished and waited for Emma to say something. She didn't get the chance when Neal himself came into the dining room, interrupting the trio.

"Blue says that we should leave soon." He said. His eyes swept over to Emma but there was no joy or even sorrow to her presence. He just looked at her. "I'll be at the stables. Our horses are ready." And then he left.

Emma felt her throat tighten as he left. The Neal she had known would not have been so heartless as to completely disregard her. She couldn't remember those "good times" that Hook rather sarcastically mentioned. But maybe her heart knew something she didn't.

The blonde had thought all these years that she hated Neal. She had vowed to punch him in his stupid puppy-dog face if she ever saw him again but when she saw him, there was nothing negative, just sorrow for the man she once thought she loved.

"It's been hard on all of us." Tink said, laying a comforting hand on Emma's. Emma nodded and appreciatively squeezed the other blonde's hand before standing up.

"As Neal said, we need to get going. The sooner I can relearn magic, the sooner I can stop the Wicked Witch and save my...parents." Both Hook and Tink stood and the trio made their trek to the stables.

Everyone was waiting to see them off. Emma said her good-byes to Henry, trying to ignore the slight anger she felt when Neal didn't acknowledge his son. She knew it wasn't his fault but it still pissed her off.

"You'll be riding with Mulan, Emma." Neal stated as he mounted his own horse. She began opening her mouth to argue but was interrupted by Mulan,

"Your inability to ride might slow us down, the wards may protect us from her scrying spells, but she still commands an army. Their patrols could find us and running may very well be our only option if outnumbered. You can't fall into enemy hands." Emma mulled this over before swallowing her pride and accepting Mulan's help in order to mount the horse.

She looked around at her escort party and everyone who was waving goodbye to them. Neal, Hook, Mulan, a few of Robin Hood's men, and herself. She hoped that this would not be the last time that the all looked upon their loved ones. And she also hoped that she didn't die before finding her mysterious dream woman, this Regina.

**Author's note: So according to one of my friends who read this before I posted it, the whole love sacrifice thing is similar to a situation in a show called "Lost Girl". I've never seen it so I do apologize if it is too similar. The Wolf Gate is from a defunct fantasy story I wrote many years ago that was a modern fantasy but not at the same time. One character would make a sacrifice to send her sibling back through the gate and back home (since she swore she would get him home) by sacrificing ever seeing her family again, she opened the gate. Other sacrifices the gate has taken: Arms, legs, lives of unimportant peons, etc.**


End file.
